The Guardian reports that the BBC’s planning to reinvent its digital radio output around extensions to existing radio networks. In essence, it’s going to kill 6 Music—generally regarded as one of the finest digital stations, and perfectly in line with the BBC’s public service remit—and use the cash to extend 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.

One exec was quoted as saying: “Just like the Xtra Factor goes backstage and tells you what happened at the X Factor, so Radio 2 could have spin-off digital shows with extra coverage from Glastonbury or the Electric Proms”. And this pretty much proves that once again the BBC doesn’t understand what it has, nor what it really needs to offer. 6 provides music you can’t get elsewhere, not extensions of existing coverage. And it’s hardly like existing extensions are working well anyway, with Radio 1Xtra’s Tim Westwood once famously stating that his audience share was so low that he’d been broadcasting to “absolutely nobody for the last three hours,” saying this was “soul-destroying”.

But the BBC seems to want to blunder on regardless, removing its one real piece of exciting and innovative radio and replacing it with ‘more of the same’. This is like the music industry closing every indie label but providing extra Top 40 play, and it’s just not acceptable.

If you’re a fan of 6 Music or independent, innovative music in general, email the BBC now.

Following Warner Music’s announcement that it is to stop licensing its songs to free online music streaming services, stating that such things are “clearly not positive for the industry”, the record label is to also stop releasing music digitally and on CD. From tomorrow, all new Warner output will be exclusively on vinyl, with the average album costing around $50 (£32).

“Digital music and CDs are too easy to pirate,” said a Warner spokesperson. “Filthy f——ing pirate scum copying Warner albums results less income for our executives… uh, I mean artists, and so we’ve taken this step to ensure we… uh, I mean our artists get more income and can continue making wonderful music.” On the decision to go vinyl, the spokesperson remarked that “no modern PC has a vinyl slot” and that the company would soon release the iVinylPod, a device enabling you to play your Warner albums on the go. “The iVinylPod is slightly larger than the average mobile music player,” confirmed the spokesperson, adding: “But we think the music-buying public will happily forego a little convenience when they know record label executives are making money hand over fist. Uh, I mean when they know artists are getting more income from their wonderful music.”

Warner refused to comment on leaked information that its vinyl albums will also be removed from sale this summer, replaced by iWarner. According to documentation now circling the internet, the iWarner service removes media from the equation entirely. Instead, your selected artist comes to your house and plays their latest album live in your front room. To remove the threat of piracy, Warner detonates a small electromagnetic pulse bomb to destroy all recording equipment in your neighbourhood, and the suggested price per album of $1 million is, according to marketing blurb, countered by the “wonderful immersive experience that only iWarner can bring”.

So Rage Against the Machine got the UK Christmas number one, beating the worst X-Factor song to date by a clear 50,000 sales, almost making up for last year’s dire Alexandra Burke Hallelujah cover beating both Leonard Cohen’s original and Jeff Buckley’s version to the top spot.

If we need a battle next year, I nominate Wire’s Mr Suit from Pink Flag. It’s a bit sweary and it has some nice relevant sentiment for Mr Cowell and company:

MR SUIT
I’m tired of being told what to think
I’m tired of being told what to do
I’m tired of f——ing phonies
That’s right, I’m tired of you

No, no, no, no, no, no, Mr Suit

You can take your f——ing money and shove it up your arse
‘Cause you think you understand, well it’s a f——ing farce
I’m tired of f——ing phonies
That’s right, I’m tired of you

No, no, no, no, no, no, Mr Suit

And if you turn and walk out that door
And take your f——ing money, let me tell you what it’s for
I’m tired of f——ing phonies
That’s right, I’m tired of you

No, no, no, no, no, no, Mr Suit

Happy holidays!