Apple under pressure as unannounced product delayed by arbitrary time period set by interchangeable analyst
Apple is again under fire as it was revealed that its latest unannounced product that no-one knows for sure it is even working on has been delayed by an arbitrary amount of time, according to guesswork made by an interchangeable analyst. “Apple hasn’t released any new products since a few weeks ago, and even they were only minor updates to the iPad,” said the interchangeable analyst. “This proves that Apple is understaffed and just doesn’t have the resources to truly invest in the unannounced product that no-one knows for sure it is even working on, but that we’re all writing about because ‘sources’ say they have seen it and so we can get page hits from people clamouring for more Apple rumours.”
Another interchangeable analyst said this latest unforeseen delay to an unannounced product that there’s no proof Apple is even working on could spell doom for the company: “The big problem is that once you take away the profits and income Apple’s getting from the iPhone, iPad, Mac, iPods, accessories, and media sales, what is left? Without the unannounced product that there’s no proof the company is even working on anyway, and that we’re all writing about because ‘sources’ say they have seen it and so we can get page hits from people clamouring for more Apple rumours, there’s a good chance Apple will disappear entirely next year.”
A Samsung spokesperson was quick to respond to Apple’s new low, noting that its own unannounced product was “right on schedule” and would be released in “at least seven different sizes and 36 colours, to appeal to the widest possible demographic”.