The BBC reports that Tom and Jerry is to be turned into a live-action movie. Apparently, Warner Bros claims to be “spurred on by the success of live action hit Alvin and the Chipmunks”, although I imagine the absurdly high box-office takings for the utterly dreadful Garfield movies were more of a factor.

As if turning basic cartoons into feature-length films isn’t a bad enough idea, Warner Bros has also gone entirely insane regarding how the Tom and Jerry film will work (or not work, as will most likely be the case). Taking a cue from every other rubbish movie, they want to follow tedious convention and explore motivation (and, presumably, have the ‘heroes’ overcome their problems and kiss at the end, which will require Tom or Jerry to have a swift sex change). In short, the movie will “concentrate on how Tom and Jerry met and their subsequent rivalry”.

Now, perhaps I’m a little bit simple, but here’s how I see it: Tom is a cat and Jerry is a mouse. Cats don’t like mice—in fact, they eat them. And that’s it. We don’t need backstory. We don’t need to figure out why they don’t like each other. One is a cat and the other is a mouse. It’s like exploring the motivation behind why a lion hunts a gazelle. Presumably, in the upcoming Yogi Bear movie, they’ll be exploring the motivation behind the lead taking a dump in the woods…

Having been happily reading the wonderful Complete Peanuts, I only hope Charles Schulz’s classic strip doesn’t get the Hollywood treatment, otherwise I shall get very cross indeed. I may even write a letter.