Tim Langdell claims in an document sent to Eurogamer that he’s not, in fact, a trademark troll. Oh really? (Note: if you’ve missed previous episodes of Tim Langdell Is Clearly Delusional, check out ChaosEdge for the full and exciting story.)

What’s that, Tim? We’re all wrong? You want to defend yourself? OK, fair enough. Go for it!

Previously Edge Games and Tim Langdell

Oooh. Bad start, Tim, given that you are Edge Games.

have made virtually no public statements about the various Edge disputes over the past two years since it seemed clear any statement they made would not be reported fairly

Translation: because ChaosEdge and others showcased how blatantly we bullshitted the USPTO, I realised the game was up and finally learned to keep my mouth shut. But now I figure enough time has passed and I have lots of EDGEWOOL™ to pull over people’s EDGEEYES™.

However, they believe the time has come to try to set the record straight on a sizable number of misconceptions and falsehoods that have been circulating on the internet.

Sounds great.

Eurogamer then says Langdell claims it was, in fact, Edge magazine publisher Future Publishing that demanded Langdell take action to protect the Edge trademark, following agreements between the two in 1996 and 2004 to share ownership of the name. Langdell claims Future

required Edge to challenge rival attempts to register or use the Edge mark or face severe penalties from Future for failing to do so. Edge would never have taken the action [against EA] if Future had not required it under the agreement between Future and Edge

This would be the, by that point, non-existent agreement between Future and Edge, presumably. And that would also be the Edge magazine whose logo Langell duly ripped off. And the Edge magazine he kept banging on about ‘spawning’. And the Edge magazine he mocked up a non-existent US cover of, in order to fool the USPTO. OK, got it.

Eurogamer then says Langdell argues he/Edge has

never sought to extract payment from other companies for game licenses, “other than very rarely taking a token payment when the other party was happy to offer it.”

That sound you just heard was David Papazian of Mobigame quite literally exploding. We’re so sorry, David. (Apart from Langdell, who’s sorry you managed to get the press and, later, EA on your side.)

The suggestion that Edge or Tim Langdell acted as ‘trademark trolls’ by bullying people or taking legal action to force companies to pay license fees is an entirely false allegation. They have never done that.

Apart from, obviously, when they did precisely that. And, yes, I’ve seen the documentation to back this up.

Edge and Langdell have always acted ethically and with integrity.

That sound you just heard was me quite literally exploding. This blog will now be written by Zombie Craig.

Edge does not make a habit of taking legal action over the Edge mark: in the past 20 years Edge has only ever taken only two legal actions: one against Future Publishing (in 1994) and a second against EA (in 2010) – and the latter was because Future required them to do so.

Hrrrggnngnnzzzz! Whrrzz ahnn lohhhzd ovvvv blllcckkzzzz. Brrraaainnzzzzzz!

Edge has released new games on a regular basis at all times in the past 20 years, albeit at a lower rate than it did in the 1980s.

Hllrrkk! Gmmzzzz ohnnn duh-vzz-dzzz dnttz cnnnnnzzzttt. BRRRAIIIINNNZZZZ!

At this point, the blog police swoop in. This zombie joke has gone on too long and isn’t funny enough, they say. We are therefore going to turn your life into a videogame and award you an extra life, at the expense of 10,000 points. Also, as further punishment, we will double the number of people on your Twitter feed who joke each day that you look just like Seth MacFarlane. No, don’t complain, it’s your own fault.

Onwards!

Despite the false reports, Edge has released a number of games since the mid 1990s, continuously selling and releasing new games at all times from 1984 right through to Bobby Bearing 2 in 2011.

As ChaosEdge noted, Langdell’s games for the past decade have largely involved the odd Java remake or buying dead properties and ‘releasing’ them on DVDR. His beef with Mobigame was that its Edge (essentially a time-attack platform game that was like a cube-based Marble Madness) was passing off on Edge’s ‘famous’ brand. And this was because one of its games from 1986, the Q-Bert! and Knight Lore inspired Bobby Bearing, had a similar viewpoint. This, note, also being the Bobby Bearing that its creators, Robert Figgins and Trevor Figgins, are pretty sure Langdell no longer has any rights to whatsoever.

Still, Bobby Bearing 2, eh? That seems like a sensible name for a sequel to the original Edge game, so presumably it’s just an error that it’s called EDGEBobby2 on the App Store; also, I suspect that game wasn’t at all created to try and win the court case against EA, but sadly wasn’t ready in time.

Sidebar. Best review of EDGEBobby2 on the App Store:

This is a direct rip off of Edge by Mobigames and Future Publishing’s iconic logo. Don’t buy this, buy the Mobigames original!

Langdell finishes off by saying he’s appealing against Future kicking its arse and is

confident of prevailing

This being the court case where, according to a report by John Walker, Langdell had a dubious grip on truth and reality. And, to add a wee cherry on top, he’s now asserting he’s filed a counter-claim on the grounds Future

damaged the reputation of Edge and Tim Langdell by forcing Edge to take action against French developer Mobigame and EA.

Yes, you read that right. If it wasn’t for nasty old Future Publishing, none of this would have ever happened, because Tim Langdell is a gaming saint. If we ignore the threatening emails he sent developers, obviously. And his successful attempts to mislead the USPTO with doctored documentation, obviously. And I’d say just about the only way he could have damaged his reputation in this industry any worse is by somehow breaking into Nintendo’s manufacturing plant and changing all their game masters to Watch Tim Pooing, a 30-second loop of Langdell on the toilet.

Amusing update: Pocket Gamer reports that Mobigame has just slapped Langdell with a DMCA notice to his web host, along with sending a cease and desist to Apple over EDGEBobby2, which “infringes Robert Figgins’s copyright [and] also infringes Future Publishing logo, our trademark EDGE, and confuses our fans”.