A helpful translation of Nintendo’s Ambassador program for 3DS details
I already today translated Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata’s apology regarding the 3DS, but I realised I wasn’t done. After all, Nintendo hasn’t just apologised to early adopters, but it also unveiled the Ambassador program.
Great Price, Great Games
Finally Somewhat Competitive Price, Not Enough Games!
Nintendo of America today announced plans to drop the suggested retail price of its portable Nintendo 3DS™ system to $169.99 in the United States. The new price takes effect Aug. 12 and makes an outstanding value even better.
Our console wasn’t selling so we’re now getting desperate. Maybe by Christmas, we’ll be giving it away for free.
Building on the popularity of The Legend of Zelda™: Ocarina of Time™ 3D, which launched June 19, the upcoming game calendar for Nintendo 3DS is a Who’s Who of iconic video game franchises. Star Fox 64™ 3D arrives on Sept. 9, followed by Super Mario™ 3D Land in November, Mario Kart™ 7 in December and Kid Icarus™: Uprising during the holiday season.
Look! We’ll be releasing at least three games before Christmas, based on really old series that you’ve played to death! No other console has such a range of games, according to our exhaustive research!
And don’t forget that Nintendo 3DS has a bunch of fun features, including Nintendo Video™, the Nintendo eShop and access to Netflix, that make it a must-have video game system.
Also, luckily, no other handheld system has any access to videos, otherwise we’d be totally screwed about now! Phew!
But what about the 830,000 of you who already own a Nintendo 3DS?
Man, we really wish we could have put a ‘5’ in front of that ‘830,000’.
You’re some of Nintendo’s most loyal customers
And, presumably, are fiercely questioning that decision.
and we’re rewarding you for getting in on the action early with not one
*ANTICIPATION*
not 10
*IT’S JUST LIKE BEING AT A SUNDAY MARKET, WAITING FOR THE GUY SELLING BOXES TO REVEAL THE PRICE OF THE BOXES*
but 20 free downloadable games from the Nintendo eShop!
Wow! 20 free downloadable games! Hurrah!
Here’s how it works: The 20 free games are available to anyone who owns a Nintendo 3DS system and uses a wireless broadband Internet signal to connect to the Nintendo eShop at least once before 11:59 p.m. Eastern time on Aug. 11.
We don’t care enough to extend this offer indefinitely.
1. Starting Sept. 1, Nintendo 3DS Ambassadors will be able to download 10 NES™ Virtual Console™ games at no charge and before they are available in the Nintendo eShop to the general public.
Free NES games to use when you’re not playing your 3DS updates of N64 updates of SNES updates of NES games!
2. By the end of 2011, Nintendo will provide Ambassadors with 10 Game Boy Advance Virtual Console games. These include games like Yoshi’s Island™: Super Mario™ Advance 3, Mario Kart™: Super Circuit, Metroid™ Fusion, WarioWare™, Inc.: Mega Microgame$ and Mario vs. Donkey Kong™. These games will be available exclusively to Ambassadors, and Nintendo currently has no plans to make these 10 games available to the general public on the Nintendo 3DS in the future.
We don’t currently have any plans, but please don’t read any of our press releases after August 11! KTHANKSBYE!
“We’ll be releasing at least three games before Christmas, based on really old series that you’ve played to death!”
There hasn’t been a Kid Icarus game in over 20 years. And Mario Kart DS sold 22 million copies. People hardly seem to think they’ve played it to death.
“We don’t care enough to extend this offer indefinitely.”
The offer is for people who bought the 3DS at its previous price. Hence the requirement to connect to the store at least once before August 11.
But let me provide a translation of all of your 3DS posts. I think I can get it down to a single sentence: “A console that doesn’t have a single good exclusive game didn’t sell well, so clearly Nintendo is dead, and Apple killed it!”
I guess Steve Jobs somehow managed to personally infiltrate Nintendo, and sabotage their release plans.
“But let me provide a translation of all of your 3DS posts. I think I can get it down to a single sentence: ‘A console that doesn’t have a single good exclusive game didn’t sell well, so clearly Nintendo is dead, and Apple killed it!'”
Hardly. Just last week I commented, quite clearly: “Nintendo isn’t doomed. Writing off the company would be ridiculous, since it is generally pretty smart and the closest thing to Apple in gaming, daring to innovate.” However, I do think Nintendo dropped the ball and watched as Apple zoomed past, making more and more excuses. Even now, it seems wedded to 1990s ideals about gaming that are doing it no favours.
Also, I have four Nintendo consoles myself, so it’s not like I hate Nintendo. I want the company to succeed, but it’s not going to do this if it keeps being complacent and blind to the bigger shifts in the industry.