I already today translated Nintendo CEO Satoru Iwata’s apology regarding the 3DS, but I realised I wasn’t done. After all, Nintendo hasn’t just apologised to early adopters, but it also unveiled the Ambassador program.

Great Price, Great Games

Finally Somewhat Competitive Price, Not Enough Games!

Nintendo of America today announced plans to drop the suggested retail price of its portable Nintendo 3DS™ system to $169.99 in the United States. The new price takes effect Aug. 12 and makes an outstanding value even better.

Our console wasn’t selling so we’re now getting desperate. Maybe by Christmas, we’ll be giving it away for free.

Building on the popularity of The Legend of Zelda™: Ocarina of Time™ 3D, which launched June 19, the upcoming game calendar for Nintendo 3DS is a Who’s Who of iconic video game franchises. Star Fox 64™ 3D arrives on Sept. 9, followed by Super Mario™ 3D Land in November, Mario Kart™ 7 in December and Kid Icarus™: Uprising during the holiday season.

Look! We’ll be releasing at least three games before Christmas, based on really old series that you’ve played to death! No other console has such a range of games, according to our exhaustive research!

And don’t forget that Nintendo 3DS has a bunch of fun features, including Nintendo Video™, the Nintendo eShop and access to Netflix, that make it a must-have video game system.

Also, luckily, no other handheld system has any access to videos, otherwise we’d be totally screwed about now! Phew!

But what about the 830,000 of you who already own a Nintendo 3DS?

Man, we really wish we could have put a ‘5’ in front of that ‘830,000’.

You’re some of Nintendo’s most loyal customers

And, presumably, are fiercely questioning that decision.

and we’re rewarding you for getting in on the action early with not one

*ANTICIPATION*

not 10

*IT’S JUST LIKE BEING AT A SUNDAY MARKET, WAITING FOR THE GUY SELLING BOXES TO REVEAL THE PRICE OF THE BOXES*

but 20 free downloadable games from the Nintendo eShop!

Wow! 20 free downloadable games! Hurrah!

Here’s how it works:  The 20 free games are available to anyone who owns a Nintendo 3DS system and uses a wireless broadband Internet signal to connect to the Nintendo eShop at least once before 11:59 p.m. Eastern time on Aug. 11.

We don’t care enough to extend this offer indefinitely.

1. Starting Sept. 1, Nintendo 3DS Ambassadors will be able to download 10 NES™ Virtual Console™ games at no charge and before they are available in the Nintendo eShop to the general public.

Free NES games to use when you’re not playing your 3DS updates of N64 updates of SNES updates of NES games!

2. By the end of 2011, Nintendo will provide Ambassadors with 10 Game Boy Advance Virtual Console games. These include games like Yoshi’s Island™: Super Mario™ Advance 3, Mario Kart™: Super Circuit, Metroid™ Fusion, WarioWare™, Inc.: Mega Microgame$ and Mario vs. Donkey Kong™. These games will be available exclusively to Ambassadors, and Nintendo currently has no plans to make these 10 games available to the general public on the Nintendo 3DS in the future.

We don’t currently have any plans, but please don’t read any of our press releases after August 11! KTHANKSBYE!

Via TechCrunch, Satoru Iwata’s apology to 3DS owners:

This unprecedented timing for a price cut is because the situation has changed greatly since we originally launched the 3DS.

We copied those smartphone guys in laughing off the threat from Apple. Man, I wish we’d paid attention to what actually happened to those smartphone guys.

We decided it was necessary to take this drastic step in order to ensure that large numbers of users will continue to enjoy the 3DS in the future.

The 3DS? Yeah, that’s screwed. Maybe if we do a fire-sale more people will buy one.

If the software creators and those on the retail side are not confident that the Nintendo 3DS is a worthy successor to the DS and will achieve a similarly broad (user) base, it will be impossible for the 3DS to gain popularity, acquire a wide range of software, and eventually create the product cycle necessary for everyone to be satisfied with the system.

It’s really really screwed.

We feel a strong responsibility to develop the 3DS as a platform

Although not enough of a responsibility to come up with any new ideas for games.

— to ensure that, in the end, everyone is satisfied; we will make every effort to do so.

Unless we have to make some new ideas for games.

Additionally, we know everyone is waiting for Super Mario 3D Land and Mario Kart 7.

Like we said, we’re not big on new ideas for games.

They are scheduled for release in November and December, respectively

Nor are we that big on rushing recycling our existing properties.

Man, I hope we don’t end up like those Sega guys…

Chortle reports that Ideal has been axed. The comedy was brave (given its subject matter), edgy and endlessly inventive. Even when it dialled down the comedy (as in the previous series), it retained the interest, with surreal darkness that came from a very odd place indeed.

Series creator Graham Duff revealed, naturally, that Ideal was getting its highest audience to date when the BBC pulled the plug, and reading between the lines at The British Comedy Guide, the decision seems more down to new (as of late 2010) controller Zai Bennett wanting to stamp his mark on the channel, by cancelling almost everything that was commissioned before he arrived.

This all means that Ideal’s multiple cliffhangers will never be resolved, but comedy fans can rejoice, because while Bennett is arguing for a clean sweep, that of course doesn’t apply to things he commissioned. And so the innovative, daring White Van Man, about a guy who takes over his dad’s decorating business (produced by ITV!) gets a second series. PHEW!

Man, I really want to be a highly paid analyst. Judging by this International Business Times report, the drugs must be amazing. Jeffries analyst Peter Misek:

Users want to be able to pick up any iPhone, iPad or Mac (or turn on their iTV) and have content move seamlessly between them and be optimized for the user and device currently being used. We believe this will be difficult to implement if iOS and OS X are kept separate

Gosh, yes. How—apart from iTunes, say—would Apple be able to utilise iCloud to shift content seamlessly between OS X Macs and iOS devices? If we, say, totally ignore iTunes, and also totally ignore any other software that Apple could easily weld to OS X if it felt like it, this looks to be totally impossible, without Apple hobbling its desktop machines by forcing them to run iOS as of next year.

I would write a full takedown on this piece, but my head hurts too much from REPEATEDLY SMASHING IT AGAINST MY DESK.

Ste Pickford, basking in the glow of his new game’s slew of great ratings on the App Store:

It was while basking the warmth of a positive critical response, and wondering how exactly to turn ratings into dollars, that my good mood was punctured by an email from somebody offering their services to “improve our visibility” on the App Store.
I was suspicious, but curious.

Curious because I’ve been asking pretty much every iOS developer I know for tips and advice (and every one of them, to a man, has been brilliantly forthcoming and helpful), so I’m always ready to listen to anyone who might be able to help us reach a wider audience for our game.

Suspicious because since releasing the game and firing out press releases to every review site I can find, I’ve soon learned that pretty much the only review sites who ever reply to emails are the ones who come back with a price list for the different reviews they offer. (Yes, really! I’d pay for straight advertising for a game, but I’d never pay for a review.)

Well, the “App Store visibility” guy emailed me straight back with his price list:

$100 for 100 App Store ratings and 20 written reviews

$200 for 200 App Store ratings and 45 written reviews

$300 for 300 App Store ratings and 70 written reviews

Woah!

Indeed. This isn’t something that’s restricted to the App Store, of course. Amazon’s been plagued by this problem for years. But in a store where devs are clamouring for attention, fighting to be heard above the noise, I suspect some might get tempted. Here’s hoping Apple’s slapping down anyone who goes for this.

It’s also reprehensible for sites to still be charging to review products. I don’t really care whether you state as much in your terms or your ‘hidden’ about-us page, this is utter bullshit. If you need revenue, get it from advertising—don’t have devs pay you for an ‘expedited’ review on some random iOS website that hardly anyone knows about, enabling said dev to excitedly add that they got 4/5 from WeGetPaidToReviewiOSApps.com.

*CALMFACE*

Anyway, Pickford again:

Yikes, I hope our phenomenal critical response doesn’t mean that people think we paid for those ratings!

Likewise. Magnetic Billiards: Blueprint is a very good game, and anyone who thinks the ratings came from paying some dodgy geezer for ’70 written reviews’ clearly hasn’t played the game. And given that I’m not reviewing this one for Tap! (someone else is), I can say this having actually paid for this game myself.