Before I start this post, I should say that I like Touch Arcade a whole lot. It’s one of the few iPod gaming sites worth a damn, and I read it every day. But the most recent review made me annoyed, and here’s why:

“If you like killing zombies and having the screen of your iPhone filled with zombie blood, chances are you will enjoy iZombieland.”

Sorry, but what? I’m getting increasingly irked by reviewers not providing a full opinion and just relying on your existing knowledge and experience to encourage you to make a decision regarding the quality of a product they’re reviewing. (In this case, I was hoping the reviewer was being wry and ironic, but that sadly doesn’t appear to be the case.)

By all means tell me if something’s good or bad, and tell me why. Be constructive and helpful, and draw on your wealth of experience in your field to inform me about buying decisions. But don’t tell me: “If you like BANANAS and you like FIRE, and you like watching BANANAS ON FIRE, chances are you’ll like the new movie Bananas On Fire: Barbecue Disasters!

“But when the six-foot banana lunged at me, I was horrified. It was self defence!”

“Madam, you could have just hit him with the flamethrower. You didn’t have to flambé the giant fruit. And what the hell are you doing with a flamethrower in your kitchen anyway?”

“Our microwave is broken.”

“Oh.”