Bloomberg reports on Acer’s “Windows PC for the iPad generation”. It’s very exciting:

You’ve never seen a personal computer quite like this one.

Ooh. Exciting!

Acer Inc. (2353)’s new Iconia 6120 Touchbook has many of the features you would expect from a full-sized laptop: an Intel Corp. (INTC) i5 microprocessor, Microsoft Corp. (MSFT)’s Windows 7 operating system, a 14-inch display.

Ooh. Exc– Actually, less exciting, because no-one cares about specs these days, but, hey, Windows 7 and a 14-inch display, so I’m sure for a cutting-edge competitor to a long-lasting iPad, NOTHING CAN GO WRONG HERE. (SPOILER: Something will go wrong.)

It’s also missing one feature you would expect: a keyboard. In its place is a second 14-inch touch screen. Need to type something? A full-sized virtual keyboard, complete with touchpad, appears on the bottom display when you lay your palms on it, to be used and then dismissed when no longer required.

Translation: Acer saw the Nintendo DS and thought “man, that really needs to be a whole lot bigger and run Windows”. But, hey, the DS worked. It worked really well. So this dual-screen thing might not be entirely stupid, and a 14-inch screen’s certainly big enough to get a full-size virtual keyboard under your fingers. Clearly, NOTHING CAN GO WRONG HERE. (SPOILER: Something will go wrong. Quite soon. Just wait a bit.)

The computer, which is available for order now and shows up in stores later this month, costs $1,199.99.

Ah. Well, I guess if we ignore the iPad’s price-point being a fraction of that and even the MacBook Air being $200 cheaper, that’s not too bad.

It weighs a hefty 6.2 pounds

And 2.2 pounds compares very favourably with Apple kit.

It weighs a hefty 6.2 pounds

Oh. So twice the 13-inch MacBook Air and more than four times heavier than the iPad? THINGS HAVE STARTED TO GO WRONG!

Typing on the glass takes some getting used to, though it wasn’t nearly as difficult as I had expected […] My biggest problem wasn’t with the keyboard but with the trackpad, which is so small that my finger kept sliding past its virtual edges.

IT’S GOING WRONG! WE CAN’T STOP IT!

While there’s no tactile feedback when you land on a virtual key, as there is on some smartphones, you can hear an audible “click.” It’s a nice idea, except that there is a noticeable lag between hitting the key and hearing the sound.

IT’S LIKE NO-ONE’S EVEN LISTENING ANY MORE! IT’S ALL GOING WRONG!

The biggest drawback is the battery. The two touch screens suck power like a vacuum cleaner, and even Acer’s claim of three hours on a full charge may be on the high side if you’ve got the screens set to bright and are connected to a Wi-Fi network. Moreover, the battery isn’t user-replaceable, so you’ll tend to find yourself tethered to an electrical outlet.

IT’S ALL GONE WRONG!