iPhone 5 rumour article out-stupids the entire internet
Oh dear, International Business Times, with your latest iPhone 5 article, you really are spoiling us. Wasting no time at all, it even screws up with the headline:
New iPhone 5 Release Date: 5 Ways it Will Beat the 4S
Five ways the iPhone 5 release date will beat the 4S? What? Clearly, the article’s not off to a good start, and the publication’s confidence is so low that no-one will take personal responsibility:
By IBTimes Staff Reporter
And so it begins:
As the iPad 3 release date nears, rumors surrounding the next generation iPhone 5 have accelerated
Fuelled by articles such as yours.
A recent report in the Japanese blog Mocotakara, says that Apple will abandon its mid-year iPhone releases and instead switch to a 12-month launch model.
“Apple will abandon its previous 12-month launch model and instead switch to… a 12-month launch model.” Look, I know it’s confusing when one iPhone of all those so far released is shunted from the standard cycle, but you do know how to use more than one data point, right?
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No thanks. Oh, sorry. That was a horrible embedded social ‘advert’ and not part of your article. Do continue!
Whenever, the iPhone is unveiled it will have the upper hand on the 4S because iPhone enthusiasts won’t be distracted by the fact that the model they were expecting wasn’t released.
Yes, because people are always very rational when it comes to iOS devices and what they expect. For some reason, the iPhone 5 will have the ‘upper hand’, on the basis that it will be called the iPhone 5 and therefore won’t shock people with its name. Presumably, through MAGIC and PIXIES, everyone will also not unleash an absurd wish list, and will instead be calm and reasoned regarding features.
The latest iPhone 5 rumors point to a 1280 x70 resolution with a Quantum Dot LED curved glass edge-to-edge display.
CALM AND REASONED! And that’s a pretty narrow iPhone display. What, it’s a typo? You think I’m being mean? Tough. If you think Apple’s going to fragment its iOS devices by churning out an iPhone with an entirely new screen ratio, you deserve mean. Also: curved glass? Edge-to-edge display? CALM AND REASONED!
If the iPad 3 is released with a retina display, this will spur rumors for one on the iPhone 5.
Because the iPhone doesn’t yet have a Retina display. Well, assuming you ignore the iPhone 4S. And the iPhone 4.
A bigger 4-inch or 4.3-inch screen is also on the rumors cards,
Can someone send me a pack of these ‘rumors cards’? They sound great!
after many iPhone customers have criticized the iPhone screen for being too small.
‘Many’, in this case meaning ‘arbitrary and non-qualifiable amount that we just made up’.
The iPhone 5 will probably come with the same chip as the iPad 3, which is expected to have an A6 Chip, is.
Did write Yoda this article?
The first-generation iPad came with an A4 Chip and the iPad 2 followed with an A5 chip, which suggests the iPad 3 will follow suit and run on the A6 chip.
I can increment numbers! Woo!
An A6 chip would double the power of the A5 chip that is currently used in the iPhone 4s and the iPad 2.
As evidenced by research from [IBT SUB: PLEASE INSERT LINK HERE. IN FACT, PLEASE INSERT REST OF ARTICLE HERE, WITH YOUR USUAL LEVEL OF RESEARCH, BECAUSE I’M GOING TO BASH MY HEAD AGAINST THE DESK FOR A BIT]
I LOLed and LOLed and then LOLed for a while longer. Gotta love them rumours. So thoroughly researched they are. The forc is apparently strong in them too 🙂
Nice “artist’s impression” too. (I especially liked the comment pointing out that it looks “a bit like a maxi pad”. Truly the device that does it all…)