Apple is doomed without Steve Jobs and its grip on tablets and smartphones has been weakened as Android sinks its teeth into corporate and consumer markets. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft.

Figures released today show Android’s share of the pie has grown from [SUB: PLEASE INSERT 2011’S PITIFULLY SMALL FIGURE HERE] to a whopping [SUB: PLEASE INSERT 2012’S SLIGHTLY LARGER FIGURE], showing how the iPad is struggling to compete against the robust, flexible, exciting Android ecosystem. [SUB: CHECK WITH ADS—SEE IF WE CAN MAKE OUR SPONSORS LESS OBVIOUS] Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft.

[SUB: ADD SOMETHING HERE ABOUT APPLE IPAD SHARE. TRY TO BURY IT. WE DON’T WANT DICKS LIKE GRUBER FIGURING OUT WHAT WE’RE DOING] Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft. Argle wargle bargle fargle. Blah blah blah blah. Wibble fweee. Burble burble burble pffft.

So, as you can see, 2013 is going to be a very tough year for Apple. It’s hard to see how Tim Cook will see out the year as CEO, and unless Apple reinvigorates a new market by the summer, I predict AAPL will be trading under $5.