Rolfe Winkler, writing for WSJ’s MoneyBeat:

Argle bargle fargle wargle. Thhbbb. Thhhhb! Fweee. Mamamamama. Fa-wang. Spwooooooo.

Oh no, hang on, that’s not what he wrote—because it actually would have been better, more credible, and less bone-headed. Instead, he decided to fire more bile at Apple in the usual manner of the WSJ, which as a publication could save an awful lot of time and money by just reprinting “We don’t understand Apple at all” every time Apple does anything whatsoever.

Instead we get this:

Interviewed at the All Things D tech conference on Tuesday night, Mr. Cook revealed little about Apple’s plans.

Blimey. That’s so unlike Apple! After all, don’t you remember all those times Steve Jobs revealed loads about Apple’s plans at All Things D? No, me neither, but then I’m not currently hallucinating on endorphins cruising round my system due to furiously penning anti-Apple  bile.

While no announcements were expected, audience members were disappointed that the successor to Steve Jobs still can’t articulate a vision for Apple beyond the company’s “passion” for making “great products.”

Apple has a passion for making great products. That is its vision. But then Winkler might have realised that if he’d paused for a second rather than gleefully smashing keys while trying desperately to control that natural high that can only come when you’re writing yet more garbage for the WSJ that paints Apple in a bad light, ignoring those pesky fact and history things while doing so.