Due to reviewing a lot of iOS games of late, I now have an RSS feed that spits an overview of every new iOS game into Google Reader. And, my word, there’s an awful lot of utter crap out there. While I remain of the opinion that iOS is the greatest gaming system to date, it probably also has the worst ratio of good to bad games.

Ironically, much of the problem stems from Apple’s openness. Yes, you read that right. People bitch about the App Store approvals process, but it’s a hell of a lot easier to get a game on to the App Store than, say, make it for the Nintendo DS and get it on to store shelves. Apple recently in its review guidelines made a plea for quality, saying professional developers didn’t want their apps surrounded by ‘amateur hour’; from what I can tell, they already are.

So, if you’re planning on releasing an iOS game, I’ve provided some helpful tips below; and if you’re an app dev, now chuckling to yourself, switch ‘game’ for ‘app’ and see if you’re still laughing.

1. Are you planning on releasing ‘My First Game’, just because you can? If so, don’t bother, unless it’s actually ‘My First Game, Which, Objectively, Is Actually Pretty Damn Good’.
2. Are there already dozens of similar games on the App Store? If so, don’t bother, unless your title makes substantial improvements and changes to the genre. We don’t need yet another sodding Solitaire game, for example, or another 99-cent Reversi. Just stop it already.
3. Can you think of at least a few dozen people who would buy your game? If there’s no market for it, don’t bother trying to sell it—just send ad-hoc builds to your friends.
4. Does your game look and sound like utter crap? If so, consider getting an artist or musician on board. “I’m not very good at art and music” is not an excuse when there are loads of people out there who’d love the chance to collaborate with you on a project.
5. Have you found a game on another platform and just ported it right across, without any consideration for the unique aspects of iOS interfaces? You’re not Sega, you know. (And if you are Sega, just set fire to your Mega Drive/Genesis emulator already.) The best games on iOS are the ones that take advantage of its specific features, not the ones that try to fight the system (man).

In my next post on this subject, I’ll return to a subject that fills me with an equal amount of HULK SMASH: app and game websites, which developers are still screwing up with alarming regularity.

Printing Choice has a comparison of iPad vs magazines. At one point, it refers to ‘the pricing problem’, seemingly suggesting iPad magazines are a massive rip-off, due to the “lack of subscription options” creating a “price disparity for magazine/app buyers”.

On looking at the figures, it’s an easy conclusion to come to. One issue of Wired on the iPad is $4.99, which is the same as the subscription price. But a year of Wired on the iPad is $59.88, compared to $10 via subscription.

Some readers might have just had an alarm bell go off in their head, at least if they’re not American. No, that’s not a typo—Wired really does cost as little as a dollar per issue in the USA. To my mind, that is the pricing problem with magazines, not a supposed price-hike on the iPad. US publications are already absurdly dependant on (declining) advertising revenue, and due to low subscription costs no-one sees any value in them. (Maxim’s figures are even more absurd, with a subscription costing less than two newsstand issues.)

So I get a message on Facebook earlier today, pointing me to some dodgy gaming forum, with a post from ‘CraigGrannell’ stating.

I’m new. from retro gamer magazine. how are you guys doing?

The only thing is, I didn’t write this (which should be obvious on the basis that I have some command of the English language, but my doppelgänger has still to learn about capital letters).

This rather begs the question, why on earth would anyone pretend to be me? I mean, I like writing for Retro Gamer and all, but I can’t imagine there’s much cachet in that, nor in being a slightly greying freelance hack from Hampshire.

Anyway, I’m suitably creeped out by this, so I thought I’d share.

Update: For having the audacity to alert the forum’s administrators about this problem, I have now been banned from it. Nice.

Wired reports:

The Obama administration has urged a federal appeals court to allow the government, without a court warrant, to affix GPS devices on suspects’ vehicles to track their every move.

The argument is that Americans should expect no privacy while in public, and so officers should be able to shoot darts with GPS tracking on to vehicles to track them. As despicable as I find the idea that you’ve no right to privacy when in public, what happens when the targeted, CLEARLY EVIL CRIM, who is presumed guilty from the off, returns home, where there is still an expectation of privacy (until the administration figures out how to do away with that trifling annoyance)? Presumably, the US government has developed magic darts, which drop off a vehicle when it returns to private property! Yes, that must be it!

Reuters reports on NBC Universal Chief Executive Jeff Zucker saying it won’t offer 99-cent TV-show rentals on iTunes, mirroring Warner.

Zucker:

We do not think 99 cents is the right price point for our content. … We thought it would devalue our content.

Yes, I’m sure that’s your real concern, Zucker. It’s nothing to do with thinking that you’ll get the same amount of sales at the $1.99 price-point, which is frankly a bit of a rip-off, or that you’d ideally like to keep people buying overpriced DVDs rather than move to digital rentals. However, the likelihood is studios will gross more with low-priced rentals, and consumers will see such shows as good value for money, not ‘devalued’. (Again, see WoSBlog’s investigation into Pac-Man for iOS pricing for the reality of what happens when high-profile meets high-value in iTunes.)

I sincerely hope those who have signed up for 99-cent rentals—Fox, ABC, Disney Channel and BBC America—start making money hand over fist, at the expense of NBC and Warner. And, believe me, it pains me to say “I hope Fox makes even more money than it does now,” but something needs to give studios a reality check regarding TV rental pricing.