This morning’s Times reports Nokia will close its Regent Street store, because it’s somehow—and this is a massive (non) shock—failed to tempt people across the road from the Apple Store. Frankly, this is mind-boggling. How a shop stocking a bunch of fairly dated and dull phones never managed to grab people from an always busy store chocked full of exciting computers, music players, multimedia devices and software is beyond me.

I tell a lie—it really isn’t. But it is, apparently, beyond CCS Insight analyst Ben Wood, who remarks in the Times article: “There was no question that the store was trying to replicate what Apple had done and build up the brand rather than shift devices. The question is why that strategy has worked for one company and not for the other.”

And this is why I hate analysts. Ben, this is your job. Are you seriously questioning why Apple’s store is a huge success and Nokia’s isn’t? Apple got there first, Nokia is a shallow copy. Apple has loads of great kit, Nokia doesn’t. Apple has a brand associated with aspirational qualities, Nokia’s brand is primarily associated with cheap phones you chunk in the bin after a year.

It’s really quite simple—unless you’re an analyst.