Oh my. Jonney Shih (Chairman, Asustek Computer) shows us how it’s really done when it comes to keynotes:

Steve Jobs could learn a thing or two here:

• 1980s videogame music makes everything more exciting. Apple keynotes never have enough bad videogame music.
• To add suspense, keep all products to be revealed in keynotes hidden under pieces of black cloth, and reveal them like a school magic show magician. (Minus points to Shih in this case for not also shouting “And that’s magic!” or “Abracadabra!” or “What the hell am I doing with my life?”)
• Look slightly surprised at your new product once it’s revealed. It adds to the mystery.
• Ask the audience some stupid questions (in this case about your stupid product, with a stupid name that’s based on something your competitors make that doesn’t suck, but whatever).
• Gesticulate wildly a few times, a bit like you’re a drunk Debbie McGee.

Also, “you guys are more important—Steve has to wait”? Don’t worry, Shih, I’m sure Steve will have to wait some time before speaking to you after watching your show—he’ll be doubled up in pain from laughing so hard.