Seriously, Facebook, what the steaming shitting fuck were you thinking when you enabled Enter to post a comment on your website? While the entire human race is hardly properly versed in the absolute correct manner in which to use paragraphs, people know that hitting Enter (or Return, depending on your operating system’s key layout) gives you a carriage return. This has been the way since typewriters, you absolute buffoons.

But no. Facebook’s decided that it’s a bit much effort for people to write a post and then—shock!—have to confirm they want it posted by clicking or tapping a post button. Now, Enter does that job. Brilliant! This won’t at all lead to:

• millions of users posting in error, deleting, rewriting and then posting again;
• lots of people wondering where the hell the post button has gone and thinking Facebook is broken;
• a lack of nicely formatted long posts, since no-one will know how to create paragraphs.

“Aha,” says Facebook’s simpleton UI designer, “I’ve got that covered. Just use Shift and Enter!” It’s at this point that I’m glad said designer isn’t in the room, because I would not be responsible for my actions. Shift and Enter for a carriage return? Wow, that’s discoverable, you cretinous pea-brained halfwits. What next? Will we have to hold Control and Shift to get a capital letter, because Shift and a letter on its own will delete your privacy settings? How about Shift and Backspace to delete something, because Backspace on its own will remove your entire account?

In short: GAH.

Flatly contradicting a Sunday Times report in February that claimed Jonathan Ive was leaving Apple (which I commented on in an article on this blog), the Daily Mail yesterday posted a lengthy profile on the designer, with a very different viewpoint:

It is hard to know what is the greater intrigue: recent conjecture that he is preparing to walk away from Apple to relocate to his beautiful Grade II-listed mansion in Somerset so his children can be educated in the UK (false – he is not, and the property is now standing empty); that he will step out of the shadows and assume Steve Jobs’ role when the great man stands down (highly doubtful); or what – or perhaps more accurately who – propelled him to leave for the U.S. in the first place and deny Britain the talents of one of the most influential designers of the modern age.

And the usual unnamed source weighs in with:

Speculation that Ive would leave Apple to return to the UK is also false, says a former colleague: “I’m not sure there is any truth he wants to come back. My last conversations with him were that he was planning to sell his house in the UK.”

Until Ive himself officially makes a statement one way or the other, no-one will know for sure what the designer plans to do, but I still maintain that him leaving Apple seems unlikely, and that, in order to stay at the Cupertino giant, he won’t be moving back to the UK.

If that’s the case, that also means that I’m agreeing with the Daily Mail, which makes me want to scrub my brain clean with a wire brush.

Earlier today, someone pointed me at the Daily Mail’s article How Britain drove its greatest genius Alan Turing to suicide… just for being gay, which includes the following quote:

[…] just two weeks before his 42nd birthday, the softly-spoken genius killed himself by taking a bite out of an apple that he had dipped in cyanide.

Some believe his bizarre death is commemorated to this day in the logo used by Apple on its electronic goods—so significant was his contribution to the genesis of the computer.

Over the years, this and many other myths have sprung up about Apple’s logo, but by writers who presumably can’t be bothered to ask its designer, Rob Janoff, what his thinking was behind the iconic design. As it turns out, aesthetics were Janoff’s only real concern, as I discovered when interviewing him for MacFormat a couple of years ago.

Below is the full transcript of the interview (lacking the brutal edit that was required for print), which explains how one of the world’s most famous logos came to be, and also delves a little more into Janoff’s (then) use of the Mac.

What do you use Macs for, and how do they help you work?
I use Macs for graphic design projects, internet communications, presentations and the daily business of life… from calendars to cooking! What’s very weird is that back in 1977, when I was introduced to the concept of a ‘home’ or personal computer, I thought it was kind of b.s. that anyone would actually do the applications we were promoting in the advertising and literature. But that was the Apple II and this is a Mac. You really had to be into computing to do your household finances or keep track of recipes on an Apple II. The Mac is so much more intuitive. It’s like apples and oranges—pardon the pun! Now I can’t imagine my life without my Mac. This hit me yesterday as I was cooking dinner, leaning over the counter, reading a recipe on the screen.

What software and hardware do you favour and why?
I just completely use a laptop now. Portability is the thing for me. I split my week between country and city, so if I have design work or life work I carry it with me. The software I use is not all that exotic: InDesign, Photoshop, Illustrator, Office.

What’s your approach to design?
I guess the most important thing a good design has to do is communicate. I don’t think people should have to work very hard to get what you are trying to say visually. How simple can you make it?

Do you have any golden rules?
“When in doubt, leave it out!”

How did you approach designing the Apple logo?
It was very simple really. I just bought a bunch of apples, put them in a bowl, and drew them for a week or so to simplify the shape.

What was the thinking behind the colour order of the stripes, and the ‘bite’?
There wasn’t a whole lot of hidden meaning behind the colours. The logo predates the gay-pride flag by about a year, so that wasn’t it—and there also goes the whole Alan Turing myth! The religious myths are just that too—there’s no ‘Eve and Garden of Eden’ and ‘bite from the fruit of knowledge’ symbolism!

I didn’t have much of a formal brief on the logo assignment, other than “don’t make it cute”. But I did know the selling points of the Apple Computer, and one of the biggest was colour capability. To me, that looked like colour bars on a monitor, which became the stripes in the logo. The order of the stripes, I’m sorry to say, had no particular grand plan other than I liked them that way. And, of course, the green stripe would be at the top where the leaf is.

The bite is really about scale and the common experience of biting into an apple. It was a happy accident that ‘byte’ is a computer term.

Apple’s logo is considered truly iconic, alongside logos like Nike’s. How does it feel to have been responsible for such a versatile, recognisable and long-lasting design?
Nobody’s ever asked me that before. It’s almost an out-of-body experience when the logo pops into my field of vision unexpectedly. I’ve felt the same way when I see a print ad or a TV spot I did when I’m not expecting it. But they only live for a week or two. And although the logo has changed over the years, it’s still the same basic shape and concept I designed over 30 years ago. I feel incredibly lucky to have crossed paths with Steve Jobs when I did. It’s kind of like watching your kids grow up and do really well. I’m incredibly proud of my kids—and the logo too.

What do you think about Apple’s more recent changes to the Apple logo, such as its move to a single colour, often with 3D effects?
Hey, it’s all about growing up. Everything goes through changes as it ages. I’m glad the logo has been able to keep up with the times. Logos often need to say different things as they age. I’m just glad it’s in such capable hands.

Are there any jobs you’ve worked on that particularly stand out for you?
One of the down sides of doing your most memorable piece of work so early in your career is that it’s hard to beat. Most of my career has not been about being a designer—it’s been about being an advertising art director. So I don’t really have a job that compares to the Apple logo. I would say coming up with an idea for a TV spot and watching it grow from concept to finished product was great most of the time, but most advertising isn’t as enduring.

Nice quote on emusic from Colin Newman (of Wire, whose new album is out now), about the tools an artist needs:

The number one tool that any artist needs is the ability to spontaneously come up with something. The number two tool that you need is the ability to go through all those ideas that you come up with and know which ones are any good. If you don’t know that, then you’re not really an artist.

Call me naïve (“You’re naïve” – World), but I thought the age of the rabid Apple fan was on the decline, possibly replaced by a new brand of crazy army: Love Android Or Die. And then I wrote Mac App Store UI is so hideous that it makes me want to kick a swan, which spread fairly wide and attracted the loving gaze of those who feel the need to coddle Steve Jobs in cotton wool.

What’s interesting is the lack of balance in many of the comments, despite balance existing in what I wrote. While I laid into the UI of the Mac App Store (which I think is a perfectly justifiable thing to do, given that it’s awful) and the lack of UI care in general at Apple since the days of brushed metal, I also said the process of buying apps “seems flawless” and that “Apple’s also done some extremely aggressive pricing on its own products, which is great to see and should encourage more people to buy rather than copy software”.

The measured, calm response from a surprising influx of commenters included gems such as “You’re a fucking idiot and a shitty designer”, and my personal favourite:

You people wouldn’t know good design if it turned into a swan and kicked you back in the balls. Apple has hit another HOME RUN with the mac app store and you people just don’t get it.

I’m sometimes guilty of rushing to the defence of Apple, but I certainly don’t believe the company is above criticism, even in its best products. The iPhone 4 is an amazing piece of hardware. It’s convergence that truly works, with a perfect screen, great camera, decent videocamera, and so much functionality that if you took it back to the 1990s and showed it to someone, their head would probably explode. But the glass back is an odd decision, the antennae break placement has caused problems for many users, and proximity bugs mean that while the iPhone 4 is generally a fantastic handheld device, it can be a shitty phone that cuts off calls.

Had everyone just kissed Steve Jobs’s balls, Apple would have gone away smug and happy. But they didn’t. Instead, Apple got (admittedly over the top) criticism, and I bet the majority of flaws in the iPhone 4 will be gone in the iPhone 5. That device in turn will likely have its own exciting new flaws, which people will criticise, and that will be dealt with for the iPhone 6, and so on.

The same is true for all other Apple products. Many perceived holes in iOS were fixed in iOS 4.x, and Steve Jobs said that many of the changes were due to user feedback. Updates to iPhoto were driven in part by user demand and criticism. And so with the Mac App Store, it makes perfect sense to complain and criticise when you see something that doesn’t work as you’d like it to.

Clearly, I and others who hate the UI might be in the minority. If that’s the case, our wishes will vanish into the ether. But maybe users will love the weirdo toolbar but complain that prices are indistinct on the entry pages, and perhaps enough criticisms along those lines will tip the balance at Cupertino. Regardless, constructive criticism is one of the things that helps Apple improve its products, and many Apple fans (and fans of other companies) need to realise that critique is not the same as attack; instead, it’s often helpful, beneficial and useful.