The BBC reports that Tom and Jerry is to be turned into a live-action movie. Apparently, Warner Bros claims to be “spurred on by the success of live action hit Alvin and the Chipmunks”, although I imagine the absurdly high box-office takings for the utterly dreadful Garfield movies were more of a factor.

As if turning basic cartoons into feature-length films isn’t a bad enough idea, Warner Bros has also gone entirely insane regarding how the Tom and Jerry film will work (or not work, as will most likely be the case). Taking a cue from every other rubbish movie, they want to follow tedious convention and explore motivation (and, presumably, have the ‘heroes’ overcome their problems and kiss at the end, which will require Tom or Jerry to have a swift sex change). In short, the movie will “concentrate on how Tom and Jerry met and their subsequent rivalry”.

Now, perhaps I’m a little bit simple, but here’s how I see it: Tom is a cat and Jerry is a mouse. Cats don’t like mice—in fact, they eat them. And that’s it. We don’t need backstory. We don’t need to figure out why they don’t like each other. One is a cat and the other is a mouse. It’s like exploring the motivation behind why a lion hunts a gazelle. Presumably, in the upcoming Yogi Bear movie, they’ll be exploring the motivation behind the lead taking a dump in the woods…

Having been happily reading the wonderful Complete Peanuts, I only hope Charles Schulz’s classic strip doesn’t get the Hollywood treatment, otherwise I shall get very cross indeed. I may even write a letter.

British Gas has just announced it’ll drop its standard tariff gas price by 10% from 19 February, and I’ve already received some overtly jaunty spam from the company about this. I’m told British Gas will be ‘providing [me] with cheaper energy’. Technically, this is true, but, as ever, the timing sucks.

That the price-drop is occurring in the middle of February, after the worst of the winter’s cold, is no surprise. It’s disappointing, what with oil prices tanking many months ago, but par for the course. After all, British Gas has already made its huge profits for the winter, and can now ‘afford’ to cut its prices and try and grab itself some decent PR while doing so.

The question is whether the company will get away with this cynical business step, and Ed Mayo of Watchdog Consumer Focus has already noted that “Energy price cuts are likely to be too little and too late to help consumers with this winter’s fuel bills” (source: BBC News); also, the 10% seems suspiciously low compared to the drop in petrol prices.

I’d say we can expect another drop around June—and a much bigger one. After all, British Gas will need another chance to crow, and dropping prices by a quarter or more during summer will barely hurt the company. After all, it can (and almost certainly will) hike prices up again come October anyway, ready for another cold winter.

Update: anyone arriving at this article today, it was written as a reaction to utterly distasteful and disrespectful articles doing the rounds at the time, speculating on Jobs’s health. Jobs died on October 5, 2011, two-and-a-half years later. He never did get well, but I hope the time he had between this article being written and the day of his death were full of joy.

It’s true: Steve Jobs—Apple messiah and all-round clever chap—is going to shuffle off his mortal coil, kick the bucket, and generally become an ex-Jobs. But here’s the thing: it’s probably not going to happen this week, this month or even this year. The guy’s had and survived cancer, now clearly has a medical problem that means he’s not getting nutrients from food, and is under a lot of constant stress that’s making his condition worse. The most obvious medical advice for such a thing: take a break—a long one—until you’re well again.

Of course, the latest from Apple sent the stock markets crazy, due to idiots somehow equating Apple with Jobs. Sure, Jobs ‘saved’ Apple to some extent during his return, but many forget that Apple now is Jobs, in the sense that his personality is directly infused into company procedures and processes. In other words, even though Jobs won’t be at Apple for the forseeable future, Apple still is Jobs anyway. It’s hardly the most confusing concept in the world, but a lot of people appear to be having trouble understanding this basic fact. (Also, publications and analysts that continue to rattle off ‘Apple needs to start thinking about a successor’ garbage, please shoot yourself—anyone who genuinely believes that Apple has no contingency plans doesn’t deserve the tag ‘journalist’ or ‘analyst’. In fact, they barely qualify for ‘sentient’.)

So: Tim Cook will take over for a while (a safe pair of hands, to say the least), and Apple will continue working on products already devised for the next 18 months, during which time Jobs will still be directly involved in important strategic decisions anyway. And even if, God forbid, Jobs does end up bowing out in a very final sense sooner than expected, Apple’s got the likes of Cook, Ive and Schiller to see the company onwards.

In the meantime, here’s hoping publications finally get bored of the speculation and rather morbid obsession of “Will he? Won’t he?” surrounding Jobs. Maybe one of them will even have enough guts and integrity—and I know this is unlikely, but what the hell—to merely publish a piece with four simple words: Get well soon, Steve.

The latest Popbitch reports on a new BBC3 ‘observational gameshow’, Clever vs. Stupid. Apparently, it sets challenges for two teams, one formed from stereotypically clever people (academics) and one from stupid people (presumably, chavs, tactfully referred to on the show as ‘stupids’).

Unless I’ve taken leave of my senses, isn’t this the original pitch for QI, but without the amusing celeb types (clever or otherwise)? Still, good to see BBC3 has enough time for recycling panel show ideas and making them worse, rather than just being busy ruining perfectly good pilot shows by removing the darkness and ideally suited actors.

Although the reports of Macworld’s might be spot-on

Once again, the sky is falling in Apple-land. The Cupertino giant’s announcement yesterday that Macworld Expo 2009 would be its last and that Phil Schiller would deliver the final keynote rather than Steve Jobs sent the rumour mill into a frenzy. Clearly, Steve must be at death’s door, right?

Alternatively, rumour-mongers, think about it for just a second, using your brain. Apple is quitting the Macworld Expo, but not its own (increasingly frequent) announcements and launch events. It’s not prepping for Steve Jobs’ death—it’s prepping for Macworld’s, and in a fairly spiteful manner. Consider this: Jobs doesn’t do this keynote, thereby massively lowering expectations and downplaying the event. You can bet he’ll be fronting the next ‘Apple keynote’, though.