The Sydney Morning Herald has a great interview with Craig Mundie, in which the Microsoft ‘global chief research and strategy officer’ makes a firm, bold opinion about the future of computing, which Microsoft has been instrumental in for the past three decades:

I don’t know whether the big screen tablet pad category is going to remain with us or not.

It’s that kind of decisive thinking that’s helped Microsoft into a ‘back on the starting line’ position when it comes to mobile. Luckily, Mundie has some choice thinking on that area, showcasing his ‘global chief research and strategy officer’ credentials:

Mobile is something that you want to use while you’re moving, and portable is something that you move and then use.

I’m glad that’s been cleared up. So, Mundie, as ‘global chief research and strategy officer’, what is the future of computing? Where are things going? Steve Jobs is still on leave, so he can’t tell us. It’s all down to you!

I believe the successor to the desktop is the room.

The room? Look, I know you guys built a touchscreen table while Apple was busy wasting time on the iPhone, but a room? Clearly, I misheard you.

Instead of thinking that the computer is just something on the desk that you go and sit in front of, [in the] future basically the whole room is the computer and you go in it.

O… K… So the future of computing, as far as Microsoft is concerned, is this:

Image credit: Simon Pride, from the film Alien (1979)

On CIO, Dell’s global head of marketing, Andy Lark, puts his foot in his mouth and keeps kicking until he’s a gummy exec with a mouth full of shards:

I couldn’t be happier that Apple has created a market and built up enthusiasm

“We didn’t have a clue how to do tablets, but we’re glad Apple’s made something we can rip off in a half-hearted and sub-optimal manner!”

but longer term, open, capable and affordable will win, not closed, high price and proprietary

“I’ve never used an iPad, nor looked at iPad price-tags and compared them to the usually more expensive competition. So now I sound like an idiot! OOPS!”

[Apple has] done a really nice job, they’ve got a great product, but the challenge they’ve got is that already Android is outpacing them.

“I read something about Android winning the smartphone battle somewhere on the internet. Smartphones are tablets, right?”

Apple is great if you’ve got a lot of money and live on an island.

“Like the island of crazy IN MY MIND!”

It’s not so great if you have to exist in a diverse, open, connected enterprise; simple things become quite complex.

“Dell, as you know, is great at making simple things quite complex! … What? What do you mean I wasn’t supposed to say that?”

We’ve taken a very considered approach to tablets, given that the vast majority of our business isn’t in the consumer space

“I hate Steve Jobs. I kick iMacs to death for fun. Also, I have no idea how to win over consumers.”

[A company] like Samsung has to aggressively go after their business, but we’ve got a far more diversified footprint than some of these players.

“We have no idea how to focus. In fact, we have no idea what we’re doing regarding tablets.”

An iPad with a keyboard, a mouse and a case [means] you’ll be at $1500 or $1600

“Especially if the case is made from solid gold and tiger fur, but then I’ve been reliably informed that’s the case for all Apple cases. And, no, I’m not going to explain my reasoning in saying you’d need to buy a mouse for a touchscreen tablet, nor how the hell I managed to get to $1600 when the most expensive iPad 2 is $829. Look, just leave me alone!”

Our strategy is multi-OS. We will do Windows 7 coupled with Android Honeycomb, and we’re really excited. We think that giving people that choice is very important.

“We think we can mate a turtle and a monkey and get a unicorn.”

It’s always fun when the people in charge are hypocrites. While the UK government bitches about freedom of speech in the likes of China, Open Rights Group confirms Ed Vaizey, Minister for Culture, Communications and Creative Industries, is now in discussions with ISPs regarding:

self-regulatory measures to tackle online copyright infringement through site-blocking

If you want to sift out the bullshit, he’s talking about a national firewall, where IP owners would have sites blacklisted, for rights infringement. It’s a far cry from blocking Tiananmen Square protest pictures and entire social networks, but it’s a slippery slope. And we all know how mental the media industry is regarding rights infringement. (Boing Boing adds that the list would, naturally, be ‘secret’ and likely wouldn’t be transparent nor open to judicial review.)

The silver lining, according to Open Rights Group:

[Vaizey] has promised to invite civil society groups to participate in future discussions on the matter

Yeah, I’m sure that’s going to go swimmingly and that Vaizey and co. won’t ignore the protests of civil liberties advocates and technology gurus entirely, in order to appease their rich chums who own or have a huge stake in multinational media companies.

Seriously, Facebook, what the steaming shitting fuck were you thinking when you enabled Enter to post a comment on your website? While the entire human race is hardly properly versed in the absolute correct manner in which to use paragraphs, people know that hitting Enter (or Return, depending on your operating system’s key layout) gives you a carriage return. This has been the way since typewriters, you absolute buffoons.

But no. Facebook’s decided that it’s a bit much effort for people to write a post and then—shock!—have to confirm they want it posted by clicking or tapping a post button. Now, Enter does that job. Brilliant! This won’t at all lead to:

• millions of users posting in error, deleting, rewriting and then posting again;
• lots of people wondering where the hell the post button has gone and thinking Facebook is broken;
• a lack of nicely formatted long posts, since no-one will know how to create paragraphs.

“Aha,” says Facebook’s simpleton UI designer, “I’ve got that covered. Just use Shift and Enter!” It’s at this point that I’m glad said designer isn’t in the room, because I would not be responsible for my actions. Shift and Enter for a carriage return? Wow, that’s discoverable, you cretinous pea-brained halfwits. What next? Will we have to hold Control and Shift to get a capital letter, because Shift and a letter on its own will delete your privacy settings? How about Shift and Backspace to delete something, because Backspace on its own will remove your entire account?

In short: GAH.

A Sun apology from 2005:

Julian’s mother did not say, during or after the inquest, her son often got on all fours creeping around their house pretending to be Gollum.

There’s a level of oddness in there that is almost beyond belief—and parody.