A form letter template for acquired start-ups

A form letter for acquired start-ups.

We are excited to continue our core mission of connecting people with solutions at our new home.  Please realize that this is so vague a statement  as to be completely meaningless.  But we just made so much money that at the moment we genuinely believe this horseshit.  In reality, you will never hear about us or anything we create ever again.  We are probably going to end up, like, implementing a new scrollbar for Google Reader or something.

And then Google will hit ‘revert’ a week later.

Hat-tip: @joestump

January 24, 2012. Read more in: Technology

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Translation of new RIM CEO’s car-crash video on YouTube

New RIM CEO Thorsten Heins has a video on YouTube. And it’s, um… interesting. It comes across a little like a hostage video combined with a dollop of delusional, and although there are some fair statements lurking, there’s also quite a lot of PR disaster.

I joined this company four years ago, and it was growing but comparably it was still small in the wireless arena, as a player. We have taken this to totally new heights…

This is true. The now-booted co-CEOs really have taken being “comparably small in the wireless arena” to new heights by turning RIM from a leader in the field into a marginal player.

If we continue doing well what we’re doing…

If we continue doing bad things well…

I see no problems with us being in the top three players worldwide […] in wireless.

We might just be able to fend off Microsoft!

At the very core of RIM […] is the innovation. I mean, we always think forward.

Notice how we managed to easily defeat those upstarts iOS and Android!

We sometimes think the unthinkable […] We’ve learned to execute.

NOW WE FIND THE TRUTH BEHIND THE EX CO-CEOS! (That might possibly be a selective quote above.)

Unfortunately, your correspondent fell asleep at this point, due to Heins’s relentless monotone, and so we have to guess as to the remainder of the video’s content. It probably went something like this:

Blah blah marketing blah blah blah better consumer products blah blah need to be better blah already brilliant blah blah blah we are the future blah blah we are unique blah blah we will be back blah BlackBerry is great blah blah innovation blah blah blah focus blah blah quality blah blah THUD.

Also, remember that awful and dull seven-minute Tim Cook video when he took over the CEO role at Apple? No, me neither.

January 23, 2012. Read more in: Technology

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Websites worldwide protest SOPA and PIPA bills

As detailed by the EFF, websites are protesting US bills that would potentially wreck the internet. SOPA and PIPA if passed would have massive negative ramifications for a huge number of websites. Many tech sites erroneously stated SOPA was dead, but it isn’t—it’s just been suspended for a few weeks. Supporters of SOPA are blasting the protests as ‘publicity stunts’, because, clearly, sites like Wikipedia aren’t popular enough and need to do some kind of stunt to get more visitors. Or something. (I have to say: Wikipedia’s protest, while possible to circumvent by techies that presumably know about SOPA anyway, is ballsy—a total replacement; by comparison, Google’s single link only on the .com home-page and not results pages is pathetic. EDIT: US users are now apparently seeing the Google logo ‘censored’ by a black rectangle, which is a little better.)

If you’re an American voter, it’s hugely important that you do your bit to stop these bills by contacting your representative. You can learn about SOPA/PIPA by reading Wikipedia’s entry (which is accessible from the blackout page), visit EFF for further info, and use Stop American Censorship to contact senators.

January 18, 2012. Read more in: Technology

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Business Insider slams Apple manufacturing conditions, but ignores everyone else doing the same

Henry Blodget’s up to his usual tricks on Business Insider, giving Apple a kicking. This time, it’s in the snappily titled Your iPhone Was Built, In Part, By 13 Year-Olds Working 16 Hours A Day For 70 Cents An Hour, with the less-than-subtle article URL of ‘apple-child-labor-2012-1’. Presumably the ‘-1’ suggests there’s an exciting sequel on the way in a few months.

The article talks about Apple kit like iPhones and iPads being manufactured in China, by people who “in some cases, have never even seen them,” and with “labor practices that would be illegal in the United States”. It talks about underage workers, removed when inspections occur, cramped dormitory conditions, the illegality of unions, workers being hurt by toxins and mega-carpal-tunnel, and so on.

Blodget does at least offer a little balance:

Importantly, Shenzhen’s factories, as hellish as they are, have been a boon to the people of China. Liberal economist Paul Krugman says so. NYT columnist Nicholas Kristof says so. Kristof’s wife’s ancestors are from a village near Shenzhen. So he knows of what he speaks. The “grimness” of the factories, Kristof says, is actually better than the “grimness” of the rice paddies.

So, looked at that way, Apple is helping funnel money from rich American and European consumers to poor workers in China. Without Foxconn and other assembly plants, Chinese workers might still be working in rice paddies, making $50 a month instead of $250 a month

But then he reverts to Blodget Standard Mode:

But, of course, the reason Apple assembles iPhones and iPads in China instead of America, is that assembling them here or Europe would cost much, much more — even with shipping and transportation. And it would cost much, much more because, in the United States and Europe, we have established minimum acceptable standards for the treatment and pay of workers like those who build the iPhones and iPads.

There’s of course nothing untrue about all this, and those of us fortunate to live in relatively rich countries rarely take the time to think who made our expensive Apple kit. But Blodget displays a remarkable lack of context in his article, and the sharp focus on Apple is typical of articles closer to internet trolling. Not only does he conveniently ignore Apple CEO Tim Cook’s recent email about improving working conditions and terminating suppliers that don’t live up to “Apple’s strict code of conduct”, but he barely touches on the fact that most smartphones, literal tons of electronics, and plenty of other goods (such as the cheap clothes people buy in many US and European chains) are manufactured in similar conditions.

But this is all about Apple. And here’s why:

If Apple decided to build iPhones and iPads for Americans using American labor rules, two things would likely happen: The prices of iPhones and iPads would go up [and] Apple’s profit margins would go down. Neither of those things would be good for American consumers or Apple shareholders. But they might not be all that awful, either. Unlike some electronics manufacturers, Apple’s profit margins are so high that they could go down a lot and still be high. And some Americans would presumably feel better about loving their iPhones and iPads if they knew that the products had been built using American labor rules.

Some Americans would feel better about that, but plenty would stop buying Apple kit if it wasn’t remotely competitive. And just because Apple’s making a profit, it should switch to the US, argues Blodget, but, what, its rivals should continue using Chinese labour? (They obviously would, too, because they’d finally be able to compete on price, which wouldn’t be the case if they too moved manufacturing to the US or Europe.) Also, what do the Chinese workers feel about this? They clearly don’t have the working conditions I’d like for myself, but if Apple pulled out of China, would they really be better off? Or would these people consider that an opportunity taken away from them?

This is a complex issue that’s far beyond ‘Apple is an evil, profit-hungry corporate giant’, and pundits and analysts should do better to recognise this, rather than churning out the same old word-sticks to belt Apple with. Also, you can bet that if Apple did switch manufacturing to the US and unveiled an iPad 3 at the less-than-enticing low-end price-point of $1000, Blodget would be first to his keyboard, banging on about how stupid the company was and how it was doomed. Again.

January 16, 2012. Read more in: Apple, Technology

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Apple’s overseas money ‘useless’, says TUAW

A strange piece of reporting from TUAW, talking about Apple’s $54 billion that’s ‘trapped’ overseas, and which Apple doesn’t want to repatriate, because it doesn’t want to pay corporate taxes:

Meanwhile, as Apple’s foreign cash hoard grows, the money is effectively useless to Apple and its shareholders. They could build a stack of dollar bills 3400 miles tall, but can’t they can’t do much else with it for now. [sic]

And there was me thinking you could buy THINGS with MONEY in countries other than the USA. Man, what a total idiot I’ve been all these years.

January 13, 2012. Read more in: Apple

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